The Dating Game

I've never been good at dating.

I'm really bad at it actually.

Which is kind of weird because I make my living being good at talking to people.  

But, I digress.

I've never been that girl who would go out with a man simply to get a free meal or experience.

I value and respect people too much.

I would estimate that for my age (31)(holy crapballs) I've dated quite a bit less than the rest of the population.

Probably because I don't enjoy doing things I'm bad at.

You know how most men and women are on their best behavior when they first go out with someone? 

Always putting their best foot forward and not letting anything negative about themselves slip until at least a couple months down the road when the other party likes the good things so much they'll tend to overlook the bad things?

Yeahhhhhhhh.....I hate that.

So I tend to let some negative things about myself drop on the first date.

Is it the smartest thing?  

If I wanted a fake relationship and free food, probably not.

But like I said, I value and respect people too much.

Along making my living being good at talking to people, part of my job is to read people.  I can pick up on verbal and non-verbal cues that a lot of people can't, and for that reason I see things and sense things that might not otherwise be detected by someone else.

That being said, if I can tell the other party isn't on board, or I'm not on board I won't continue just for the sake of continuing.  Again, value and respect.

But, I do have some pretty funny dating stories.

And I figured since my blog is all about being single I should take this opportunity to share some of them with y'all.

So, every Friday I'm going to share one with you.  Because what would the title of this blog mean unless I threw something like this in the mix?!  And what kind of person would I be if I didn't find the humor in these situations? (A boring one is the right answer.)

So, I'll be back next Friday with my first story!  Don't forget to buckle your seat belts.

GROWN UPS

A while back I posted on my Facebook about how I was having a moment of silence for my youth because I heard TLC on the oldies station.  I may or may not have wept a little bit when I was typing that sentence.  Also?  The other day I was talking to this teenager who didn't know who NSYNC was.  And I explained to her that NSYNC was how Justin Timberlake got his start and she actually ARGUED with me that I wasn't right about this.  And I was all "LISTEN LITTLE GIRL....MUCH OF WHAT I KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM NSYNC AND FROM JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND HIS JHERI CURL AND DENIM SUITS THAT MATCHED WITH BRITNEY SPEARS AND I LEARNED EVERY MOVE TO EVERY SONG AND I WAS GOING TO MARRY LANCE BASS SO I WILL THANK YOU TO STOP TALKING ABOUT NSYNC LIKE THEY WERE A FIGMENT OF MY IMAGINATION."  #truestory

Anyway.

This got me thinking about what else in my life really makes me feel like a grown up.

Besides the fact that I pay my own bills, yada yada yada.......

1. Buying stamps - I don't know why, but for some reason the fact that I have to purchase my own stamps makes me feel like a legitimate grown up.   Maybe because when I was little I used to always go to the post office with my mom and she would buy stamps and I thought "I'm going to get to do this when I get older."

2. Having work email, setting automatic replies on work email, going on business trips - these are obviously things children don't do (unless you're a Kardashian child, probably, I feel fairly certain North came out of the womb with at least a Blackberry and gold plated microphone) but every single time I've done this I've had this feeling that I'm super grown up.  It's kind of the adult version of your AIM "away status."

3. Getting oil changes/replacing tires on my car - it may be the fact that this always involves a large transfer of money from my bank account to someone else's but this is a highly grownup act, in my opinion.

4.  Liking the news - I just love me some Lester Holt on the NBC Nightly News.  (I did love me some Brian Williams until he was a lying liar lieface, but I digress.)  I remember watching the news with my grandparents when I was little and wondering how they made it through this god-forsaken 30 minutes without dying of boredom. Now, I actually appreciate a good impartial announcement of current events. (So long as they're accurate.  Side eye to you, Brian Williams.)

Now, look, I know I'm 31 and I shouldn't have any trouble feeling like a grown up.  But am I the only one who looks around sometimes and wonders who it's 2015 and where all the years went and why children I babysat are getting married and having babies and aren't still 5 years old begging me to just watch Freaky Friday one more time?

I can't be.

What little things make you feel grown up?

Is Anyone Out There?

Oh heeeeeyyyyyyy.

Excuse me while I dust off the cobwebs of this part of the internet that for 5 minutes a little while was my blog.  I'm nothing if not committed.

Since I last posted, I've started a new "job".  I put that in quotations because nothing has ever felt less like a job in my life.  It's the "job" that I always dreamed of having but never knew I would actually get.  It's amazing and I'm so thankful and grateful and every happy emotion I could use to describe it that I have it.  My boss and the people I work with are like never before.

Largely the last year has been hard, though.  I'm not going to go into detail about why because I'm just not there yet, but it's been a difficult little while for my family.  

It hit me the other day that I used to write and writing always made me feel better.  Then it dawned on me that (hello!) maybe I should start again.

So it's back, the blog is back, I'm back.

And you should come back.  

Tomorrow precisely because I'll be posting (at least) every Monday.

See you soon!

Happiness Is.....

Happiness is someone sending me a text first thing in the morning just to say "hello" or "have a great day".

Happiness is my dog freaking out every day when I get home.....simply because I came home.

Happiness is the sunsets seeming to last just a little bit longer in the summertime.

Happiness is the kind of tired you get when you have been in/by the pool and out in the sun all day.

Happiness is laughing til you cry and can't breathe all at the same time.  Then recovering, being quiet for a minute, reliving the moment, and starting the process all over again.

Happiness is a perfect meal with a fun person.

Happiness is a phone call with a precious friend who lives far away.

Happiness is a handwritten card in the mail.

Happiness is the smile on my grandpa's face when I walk into his house.

Happiness is an ice cold bottle of water on a hot, humid day.

Happiness is knowing that no matter what, your mom will always understand what you need.

Friends Without Kids

Have y'all seen this video?

I first stumbled upon it a couple of weeks ago and I can't stop thinking about it.

I don't know this woman, Elle.  I've never met her but I have found myself doing everything in my power to not hate dislike her.  She seems like a fun, creative person and her kids are super cute.  Had I never seen this particular video I would think she would be someone I would be friends with.

Except she doesn't have time for friends.  

Did you know that?

People who have children don't have time for their childless friends anymore.

We, on the other hand, "can just get in the car and drive to Las Vegas and see Britney Spears."

Just.  Like.  That.

Because we don't have a lives or responsibilities - heck no!

We spend our days sleeping til noon, having mimosa brunch on the daily, and lounging poolside while thinking about what we're going to wear to our next Brit Brit concert.

Now I'm not trying to act like I have responsibilities like those who have children do.  But I resent the fact that this woman is implying that we don't have obligations.  Everyone's lives are different - kids or not.  Some people without children are working 2 jobs or taking care of elderly family members or traveling for work.  (Some people with kids are doing that, too.)

And maybe we are going out and having fun 7 nights a week.  But I can tell you this:  whatever it is that we are doing I can promise you we're not sitting around wondering why our friends with kids aren't inviting us to go paint the town red.

Speaking for myself, I spent the better part of 10 years working an average of 70 hours a week.  I didn't have time to listen to Britney Spears on the radio much less attend her concert.  Or attend any family function, for that matter.  And forget a night out with my friends.  Should I have filmed a short video explaining to all the stay-at-home moms that I haven't initiated a text conversation with them because I spent the last 4 nights working from 7am til 10:30pm and then falling asleep to QVC on the television around 2am surrounded by schedules and margin reports while dreaming about ways to generate traffic into the stores?  

NO.  

I should not have.

Because that would make it seem like I think they're sitting around wondering where I've been lately.

My own sweet mother doesn't think about me 24 hours a day so I don't expect anyone else to, either.

I would estimate that 99.4% of my friends have kids.

Did our friendship change when their children were born?

Yes.  

But I like to think it changed for the better.

I've gotten to throw and attend baby showers.

I get to watch my friends, some of whom I've known since middle school, become moms and dads.

It's been even more fun to have little mini versions of my friends walking around.

(And just for the record, Elle, I never once have had any of my friends not be able to carry on a text conversation with me on a daily basis - kids or no kids.  So I don't know what you're doing wrong.)  

PSA

Summer is upon us, y'all.  

Oh yes, it has arrived and I'll spend the next 5 months looking at pictures of Alaska and Antarctica wishing to be there. 

I can always tell this by the fact that I feel I need another shower after blow-drying my hair and getting ready for the day.  

I can also tell it by the fact that a sense of indecency descends on the gen pop with regards to their hygiene and dress code.

The following list is how everything - in a perfect world - would be:

1.  If you are going to wear sandals, flip flops, peep toe shoes, or you're going to go barefoot outside of the confines of your home then please, PLEASE, for the love of all that is good and holy, get yourself a pedicure or at least trim your toenails.  This goes for the guys, too.  If your toenail looks like it could be a weapon confiscated by the TSA, then that is a problem and one that needs not be ignored just as I choose to ignore my problematic obsession with magazine subscriptions.

2.  Just because it buttons/snaps/zips/fits over your head doesn't mean it's appropriate or that it looks good.  

3.  If you require assistance to remove it, you should've never put it on.

4.  Socks with sandals are always a NO.  Like, I don't even understand wearing them together.  It's like putting a bathing suit on over your clothes.  If you want to wear sandals, remove the socks.  If wearing socks is going to make your heart sing that day, then pick a different piece of footwear. 

5. If you own anything that has text on the butt, it must go.  In the trash can.  In 2004.


This has been your Summer PSA.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled life.

The Last Single One

I am single.

I'm sure you gathered that by the title of this blog.  At least I hope you did or else I don't have high hopes for your understanding of anything else you might read here.

I'll start by introducing myself.

I'm Whitney.

As I'm typing this I'm 30 years old.  I've been 30 for a whole half a year now, so I'm at the point where only one or two tears run down my face when I speak about my age.  

I kid.  I don't actually have a problem with my age.  Unless you count the fact that by society's norm I should be married with at least 2.5 children. I should also have a house, a fence, and some sort of large, golden-haired dog.  

I don't have any of those things.

I do have a dog, and while she isn't golden haired, she is a black pug and she's pretty much the greatest dog you'll ever meet.  She has a problem keeping her tongue in her mouth and she's loud at the most inopportune times, so she's kind of like a baby.  Closest thing I have anyway.

Some things you should know about me:

• I love Ferris wheels.  Like irrationally love them.
• My favorite television show is Andy Griffith.
• I love juice and tomato basil soup.
• I have seen every episode of FRIENDS probably 20 times and I still laugh at each episode like it's the first time I've watched it.
• I don't like talking on the phone....if you call me and I answer, that means I have the highest form of love for you that one human can have for another.
• I love to rearrange furniture, holiday parties are my love language, and I have an obsession with magazine subscriptions.

The most important thing you should know about me is that I love Jesus. This means that everything I do, I do for His glory.  What this does NOT mean is that I think I'm perfect, that I'm judgmental, or that I hate you if you have a different opinion or belief than I.

All my life, all I've ever wanted to be is a wife and mother.  Other professions would come and go as I was growing up - there was the time I wanted to be an OBGYN (now I just want to be Dr. Addison Forbes-Montgomery).  There was also the time I wanted to be a "professional driver on a closed course" like you see in car commercials.  I had the standard-for-every-little-girl "ballerina phase". 

I am none of these things, although sometimes while I windy roads I still pretend I'm in a commercial. Except I drive a Buick Rendezvous instead of some hot sports car.  I like to think I represent the grandpas everywhere in my Buick.

Anyway, all of my friends are married.  I do have a couple that aren't, but "All of My Friends Are Married Except for a Couple" isn't really super catchy for a blog title.  

Someone once told me that one should find the humor in everyday life.  I have found that to be an excellent piece of advice and so this is where I'll document all my found humor.  I'll blog about my life, my relationships, things I think about, and occasionally a tip or two that I've found to be helpful navigating the single road that is sometimes very long and lonely.

I hope if you're reading this you'll stick around!